A formal „Thank You“ note

Courtesy of Irina from the previous post

Dear Owner,

As you are  well aware we occupied one of your ground floor rooms for the past 4 days. The one with the bathroom window looking towards the main entrance. Sorry for some stuff, you know…
If you can’t quite figure it out yet, we are the ones who listened to Beyonce’s „I was here“ about 34 times and sang it 14 more. Then we checked in into Foursquare and we were done with it. After this everything was awesome. I know you know.
We had lots of fun in Your facility, mainly/mostly because we had a lot to drink and we faced this challenge with dignity, plastic cups and foremost – courage.
We are grateful for the fact that our shower turns into bathtub – truly a magic or some piping issue, we are not quite sure and we would like You to let us know in a timely manner.
We were mesmerised by the fact you turned our towels into some kind of local bird; not sure if it is a bird, a plane or simply Superman. You can let us know as well (Кен лиййй…).
Since your enormous kindness stroke us by surprise, we would like to propose you next time to let Natalie Portman fix our beds and make a proper swan. In case she is not available at that time, we can take Keira Knightley as a substitute for a discounted price. Just cover her teeth… Not so nice.
We should not forget to express our utmost gratitude for letting us ride your pink lady bike. Our male friends played with it as well. Later that evening a local guy told them he likes men. They replied politely „No Fuck“. But they forgot to say „Thank you!“ after. We do apologize for their rudeness towards local bearded gay men.
Thank you for not letting us sleep in one bed. Thank you for putting green curtains on our windows xp.
Thank you for all the olive oil you put on everything and anything. It makes sense now.
We will be back to your beautiful place of business as soon as humanly possible. Please don’t change your phone, mail or address. We know.
Finally, we need to warn you that Winter is coming. Beware.

Sincerely,
The White Walkers